Archive for November, 2010

How to Make Yourself an Instant Fortune

November 29th, 2010

In the end, most of us have to work to make money

As far as I can tell there are few ways of making an instant, life-changing fortune. A one-time event that will give you more money than you can ever spend, that will release you from the day-to-day slog that most people live with.

Lotto

A first prize on the Lotto will turn you into an instant millionaire. You will be able to buy the house of your dreams and the car of your choice. And it’s so easy. All you have to do is choose 6 numbers out of 49. Nothing to it, right? Here’s how you calculate your chances of wining: 49 x 48 x 47 x 46 x 45 x 44 divided by 1 x 2 x 3 x 4x 5 x 6. Answer: you have a 1 in 13,983,816 chance of winning the lotto. Go for it!

Progressive slots

You do this in a casino at one of the slot machines. First make sure that you choose  a progressive slot machine, meaning one that is wired up to a whole lot of other slot machines, either in the same casino or in other casinos. The more slot machines in the loop, the more you may win. What happens is that every time someone drops a coin into one of the participating slots, the jackpot you are about to win increases by the amount of that coin. So as there are hundreds of slots in the loop and hundreds of people playing these slots the jackpot could be gi-normous – millions of dollars. The odds of you hitting this jackpot – I don’t know, it’s impossible to calculate mathematically but it must be close to zero. But according to reports from the casinos there are occasional winners.

Inheritance

This is the easiest and the most straightforward of all money-making systems. All you have to do is to select your family very, very carefully and keep one eye firmly focused on the family fortune. It’s a sure-fire winner. Be sure to be born into a wealthy family, preferably one with good, solid old money.

Then there’s the internet

The Internet, the modern day source of everything. Write “making millions” or something similar into Google and you will transported to site after site promising that you can make a million by the end of the day/week/month/year. All you have to do is send in $79 to this address and the secret will be mailed to you. Yeah, right!

Lastly the share advisory services

They promise to make you rich by giving you the names of shares that will soar thousands of percentage points as soon as they NY Stock Exchanges open. Their advice is unlimited and offered in good faith but you still have to send in, not $79 – remember you are a stock exchange player with lots of money – $379, and you will receive an email with the name of the share that is going to put you into instant retirement. Yeah, right again!

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Okay, I Surrender, Send Me the Ipad

November 28th, 2010

No laptop, no iPad, so I can’t travel anywhere
I never thought it would come to this. On the screen under this article is the application form for a Payday Loan so that I can finally become mobile by buying an iPad. I have fought and resisted to the point where I feel I am about to be cut off by the modern world that I live in. I certainly wasn’t born into this crazy information and communication age, it has been thrust upon me and I’m tired of fighting it. I want the latest generation of wireless iPad with all the trimmings and extras. If there are bells and whistles as an optional extra, send them too.

What will happen?
I know exactly what will happen. You good folks at AdvanceLoan.net will grant the cash advance loan, the computer store will grant my every wish and send me the latest iPad. About 3 minutes after I unwrap the parcel the newspapers will hit the streets announcing Apple’s latest iPad and describing all the new features that the previous generation didn’t have. That’s okay, I will be pleased to be only one generation behind. I’m writing this article on steam-powered word processor – how’s that for being out of date!

Life with an iPad
According to the ads and publicity I will finally be able to put my grandchildren’s’ photos where I can carry them around and show them off. For years they have been locked inside my desk computer where only I can see them. Same goes for all the holiday pictures I have taken over the past 10 years.

The newspapers
I will be able to become a coffee-shop-onliner. Every day I walk past the coffee shops in the mall and I look at all the guys sitting there with their laptops. Now and again I stop and ask them what they are doing. Most of the answers: “reading the NY Times, reading the LA Times, reading the London Times.” I could live with that, I thought, as long as the coffee’s good.

The stock exchange
I can be just about anywhere and still get live prices on my few stocks instead of waiting to get home to get the bad news. I can also contact my broker online and buy and sell stocks wherever I am.

Books
I understand that once I have an iPad I do not need a Kindle or a Nook or any other book reader. The iPad will do everything that those readers do and more. Already I’m saving money by buying an iPad!

Email
I will get all my email immediately. No waiting. And of course if I am so inclined, I can reply immediately. I will have a problem with some of the men-only jokes that come around here; they are definitely not coffee-shop material!

My Payday Loan
AdvanceLoan.net, please prepare my Payday Loan. My work output will rise and will have no problem repaying the loan. Who is going to pay for all the coffee?

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How Much Money Is Enough?

November 26th, 2010

Can you have too much money?
It’s often said that “money cannot buy you happiness”. But “neither can happiness buy you money”. My friend is accumulating a lot of money at the moment but sees that happiness is going out the window fast. At this point in time, she is willing to sacrifice the money to regain some happiness.

What’s the deal with money and happiness?
We find that half the population pursues happiness without regard for money, while the other half chases money without regard for happiness. Recently I also read an article on an Austrian who is giving away his $5 million fortune because he realizes that money has not made him happy. I have been trying to make sense of this interplay between money and happiness for the better part of my adult life. I cannot claim to have all the answers but here are some of the observations I’ve made working closely with people and their money.

Love of money
Do not fall in love with money. There is a perception that “money is the root of all evil” but I believe that it is rather the “love of money” that is the root of evil. If we believe that evil will drive out happiness, we then need to prevent evil by not falling in love with money.

Take it slowly
Accumulate slowly and do not rush after money. When love of money dominates your life, you will find yourself rushing after it at all cost and cannot get enough of it.
This is well illustrated in a movie in which Danny de Vito plays the role of a guy who ruthlessly goes about mergers and acquisitions to accumulate great riches. When someone asks him why he keeps wanting to have more, he blurts out: “You don’t understand, he who has most, wins.”

How much do you need?
Determine how much you need and start accumulating. If we imagine money and happiness being on the two opposite ends of the balancing pole, we need to define the things that will help create a balance between the two. If you find it hard to be happy without “enough” money, it follows that you have to determine how much “enough” is. Decide how much you need to save and accumulate to maintain your desired lifestyle now and in the future.

Goals and aspirations
Get onto the same page and share goals and aspirations. We see a lot of relationships ending late in life due to people not being on the same page. To get onto the same page requires agreeing and committing to shared goals and aspirations. Throughout the years I have noticed couples seeming to agree on future goals but not displaying enough commitment in achieving these goals. The wife would buy one more dress because “I have nothing to wear” and the man would buy one more tool “because I need it”. When we later entered their closet or garage, we could find evidence of personal indulgences rather than of sacrifices being made. To get onto the same page as your life partner, you need to be truthful, not only to your partner but especially to yourself.

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