Archive for August, 2009

The annual partners’ meeting

August 31st, 2009

My partner, the IRS, is a pain

I operate a one-man writing business. It has its ups and downs but by and large it’s kept as busy as I want it to be. It allows for such pleasures as a nap or the crossword after lunch, a visit to a grandchild, or an extra-long lunch hour with a friend. The office is a few steps away from the bedroom and is fully equipped with computer, fax and telephone. Office hours are 24/7. This doesn’t mean that I am working all the time, but the office is open to anyone who calls. The financing arrangements are simple. I finance everything. I have a partner who makes no contributions at all. When there is a cash crisis, I simply hold back on everything that costs money.

My partner

My partner, aka the Government, alias the IRS, also known as the Income Tax Department and secretly known by me at various times of the month as “The Bloodsucker”, “The Parasite”, “The Thief” and some 4 letter versions of all the above.

The partners meeting

We meet once a year, when I divulge all the intimate secrets of the business. I tell him about my clients and about my new clients. I boast about the amount of work I have been doing and I list the number of articles I have sold in order to properly impress him. He, being the sleeping partner, remains silent. I was at his office this morning. We decided a long time ago to meet there and not in the place where I do the actual work. Unlike my desk which is always covered with stacks of papers, little notes on scraps of paper and the back of coffee-shop napkins and a hundred reference books, his desk is clear, containing only a computer screen and keyboard.

The partnership arrangement

As in all partnerships, we have a partnership arrangement. It is simple and straightforward and is based directly on the sharing of income. This is what led to the argument this morning. After I had formally tabled the trading results for the past year my partner looked at me, smiled, nodded his head in delight and said “thirty-seven point three percent”. I laughed and thumped the table with my fist saying, “very funny indeed! Got any other jokes for me?” “I’ll check it,” he grumbled and went back to the keyboard and the screen and then said, “I beg your pardon, you are right. I made a mistake. Thirty-seven point one percent.” This time I hit the top of his desk with the palm of my hand, sending off a loud bang and causing the keyboard to leap into the air.

My partner is upset

“There is no need for that,” said my partner. “We have an agreement, after all.” “What about your contribution?” I yelled. “What did you do to justify your share?” “I am upset by your attitude,” he said. So my partner is upset? Who cares!

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Welcome to the Loan Age

August 30th, 2009

Earth’s Rotational Periods Cause Ice Ages, Warming and Change

“Researchers have stopped the debate about the underlying mechanism that have caused periodic ice ages on Earth for the past 2.5 million years – they finally linked them to slight shifts in solar radiation caused by predictable changes in the Earth’s rotation and axis.”

So is that what caused the Loan Age?

The period 2007 to 2010, will forever be known on earth as “The Loan Age” when just about everyone went into financial stress. The earth has been through many ages in its four and a half billion year lifetime. Some eras were dramatic like the Jurassic Age, some were evolutionary like the Ice Age and some were progressive like the Bronze Age. The Loan Age was a time when everyone borrowed money in order to make it through another month. This era will not wipe out civilization as we know it; but it may feel like it!

The Loan Age

The name we give to this age is not important as long as it has no permanent effect, like the Quaternary Age which occurred about 1.8 million years ago and which permanently wiped out many of the mammals. The Loan Age will bring dramatic changes to our world in many areas. Banking and money management will be very different as will all things related to finance, marketing, investments, the trading of stocks, payday loans and many other things we take for granted and which have been in common use for centuries. It is not expected that institutions such as banking will become extinct. They will simply mutate to keep up with change.

The new operating system

The earth is heading for a complete makeover, an improved operating system, let’s call it version 2.01. This is not another Microsoft product, rather one that is designed by its users, meaning us. It needs to be built from the ground up, and should include every possible variation and alternative that can be thought of. It will be very difficult to come along in 537 years time and say “we are issuing a patch to cover a loophole in the Money-Lending Law”.

Lay off the hardware

And here is a warning – make sure the new operating system works with the existing hardware. You cannot force 6 or 7 billion people to change their hardware because it makes the operation faster or smoother. Our hardware is what we’ve got and this is what we are going to use until the next operating system is issued in another 2 million years or so. And make sure that those who come after us understand that the hardware we leave them has to last until a new operating system is issued.

Back to the Loan Age

While the whole world sits and waits for the redesign to happen, we need a Band-Aid solution, one that will stop the blood pouring out of the wounded companies, industries, banks and governments. Would that be increased loans?

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I’ve got it! I’ve got the fever! No, not the swine fever – the lottery fever!

August 27th, 2009

Yes, I am excited! The Mega Millions jackpot is $325 million!

And yes, I’m going to win it! How do I know? I can feel it in my bones, that’s how I know. Actually, I suppose it’s me and zillions of other ticket holders who are all feeling it in our bones. Can you imagine winning $325 million dollars? There is absolutely no point in making a wish-list, just buy everything!

There was no winner again last night

Last night, the Mega Millions jackpot rose again, this time by a whopping $73 million, bringing it to the $325 million mark. It all sounds so easy, how can so many players not get the numbers right? What’s so difficult anyway? All you have to do is choose 6 numbers from two separate pools of numbers – five different numbers from 1 to 56 and one number from 1 to 46. You win the jackpot by matching all six winning numbers in a drawing. To make it easier, you don’t have to do the actual choosing of the numbers. You tell the man at the counter that you want the Easy Pick and the computer will pick 6 random numbers for you. It’s painless. Each 6 number pick costs you $1. Oh yes, you have a 1 in 175,711,536 chance of getting it right. I guess that they never sold 175 million tickets, that’s why nobody won!

How you get the money

There are basically 2 options: The annuity option: This will provide 26 annual payments. For every $1,000,000 in the jackpot, you will receive approximately $38,500 per year before taxes. There is also a Cash option: A one-time, lump-sum payment that is equal to all the cash in the Mega Millions jackpot prize pool. Don’t get excited – there are taxes to pay. Never mind, there will be enough left over to pay all the taxes. In any case I will have a lot of recognized tax expenses. The car, the mobile phone, a watch and a pen and, er…, um…

The last big winner

Jack Whittaker was the last big winner. He won $315 million in the Powerball multi-state lottery in 2002. At the time, it was the largest jackpot ever won by a single winning ticket in the history of American lottery. Jack unfortunately had a few brushes with the law and suffered some personal tragedies following his win. The story of his ticket and win is worth recounting. Whittaker purchased the winning Powerball ticket at a supermarket in Hurricane, West Virginia, where he had stopped for a deli breakfast sandwich and gas for his car.

The mega-jackpot

The jackpot that day was a $314.9 million annuity or $170 million cash. Whittaker chose the cash option and received a check for approximately $114 million after tax was withheld. Great breakfast treat, huh!

What would you do?

Do you have any inkling of what your first action would be after you get the check? Think about it – it’s fun!

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